It's been quiet over here at White Border Photography. I needed time to process what was happening in the world around me and how it is effecting my business and for me that means stepping away for silence. For me, to "put myself out there", feels super vulnerable. Especially when it has to do with other people wanting what I'm offering. So I got brave and planned these motherhood mini sessions and brought along some fabulous artists to work with me on it (Makeup by Krissy V and hair by Under the Veil). I wish I could remain unattached and look at a new business venture as just that but I grow very attached to things. I worry, I get scared, I fear no one will want what I'm offering or that I'll let people down. It's full blown anxiety people (and I know a lot of my photog friends are in the same boat and feel all the same things). So when my first date got pushed back and all the hard work I had poured into it was getting moved around it gave me terrible anxiety. Then my second dates got moved around. Then my brides and sessions booked started having to get reconfigured. I needed a minute. Though none of it is about ME per sé, it felt like a huge blow...super disappointing. I felt the pressure of NEEDING this to succeed because these other wonderful women are depending on me to bring in some income for them and their families as well. It's been a roller coaster (and for the record, the support and encouragement I've received from SO many people has been amazing). 

Ok. All of that to say, the quiet has been good for me. FRIGHTENING...but good. The thing about clearing your schedule, getting rid of the noise and having to be still is it forces introspection. As an enneagram 4 I'm pretty aware of my thoughts, feelings, needs, etc. HOWEVER... even this quarantine (currently day 25) has brought to light things I hadn't seen before. ONE of those things, is that tying how "successful" I think I am, or how worthy I believe myself to be directly into my business is unrealistic. I realized I was afraid to ask people to book because if they didn't, it was because I wasn't good enough. If I didn't fill every last spot, it was because I did something wrong within my art and in turn let these wonderful women (clients and amazing glam squad) down. And if I showed how scared I am about trying something new and not selling out immediately, that I was weak and not worthy of even trying it. All those things are lies. Trying new things is good. It pushes us...sometimes in ways we didn't expect. 

A lot of people are posting/sharing (and I'm one of them) information on how to help out small businesses. And I realized that I'll share everyone else's business and will reject my own because.......it scared me to ask.......? So here's how you can help MY small business. We have rescheduled our Motherhood Mini session date for May 17 (and here's hoping this COVID thing doesn't get in the way AGAIN) and we have spots to fill. I'm trying to pack these out so not only I can make up lost income but I can help out my glam squad too. I also have my spring/summer calendar open for booking. I'm trying to pack anything I can into May/June so I can start tapering off in July before our beautiful baby gets here

THIS is going to end. At some point. And until then I'm clinging to hope of brighter days.

I'm not sure I've ever shared my personal images on my business page and it's been quite a while since I really shared much on my own page either. But here's my light. My reasons for being. The people, things, adventures that have been the sole focus of my camera and my heart. I hope that all of you are able to slow down and learn something about yourselves. About what it means to love yourself. Really. I saw this incredible quote the other day that hit me hard in this season.....